Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Me: I hope Senator Kerry (*cough*) will do us all a favor, spare us the litigation, and concede sometime in the next twelve hours.

Senator John Edwards: "John Kerry and I have made a promise to the American people that with this election every vote would count and every vote would be counted. Tonight we are keeping our word and we will fight for every vote."

Me: *sigh*

I wouldn't expect anything less. Look, Mr. Edwards, as a citizen, I don't want you to fight for every vote. I want you to look at the facts. Mathematically, it would take a statistical anomally of (dare I say?) fraudulent proportions for you to win Ohio now. While fraud is likely what we'll have proven in New Mexico, you probably won't get away with it in Ohio (note: I'm basing my fraud in New Mexico line on the fact that when I started watching tv tonight, W was up by 30,000 votes, then Bill Richardson goes on tv and says, "wait, we just counted 24,000 votes in Santa Fe County, which is heavily Democrat" and then later in the SAME interview he calls it "almost 24,000," and then he calls it "19,000." And then like a half-hour later, all of a sudden W's only ahead by a thousand votes? You go all day, count votes for most of the night, and he's ahead by 30,000 votes, and then in under half an hour the race is hot again? Color me skeptical here, that's all I can say.) Your party is sinking in stature with every election. Instead of bitching and moaning about 140,000 votes across Ohio (especially when you're losing by several million across the country... how then, will you react, if even by the scope of your wildest wet dreams you DO manage to win Ohio, how then will you govern, having lost the popular vote? Snidely you may say that you'd just follow W's lead, but snidely in return I'd say: you couldn't possibly know how), how about going and finding a new platform? How about giving people a viable alternative? How about getting your party's shit together, and NOT nominating John F (is for "freakin'") Kerry?? You *almost* had my vote, DNC, but I think you may have lost it forever in 2004. Even if, even IF, as I said above, in John Edwards' wildest wet dreams gone wild, you manage to make a fight out of Ohio, it will just further expose you for the self-motivated pair of political hacks that you are.

Dan Rather: It's still an exciting race to the finish, and we'll be here for you all the way to the bitter, bitter, bitter, bitter, bitter, parsimonious (ed--he didn't really say "parsimonious") end.

Me: *sigh*

Dan Rather, you look awful. Your jowls are hangning, your eyes are baggy. It just may be time to hang it up. On television tonight, you're like the desperate, desperate kid who still believes in Santa Claus, or the kid who wants you to believe that Michael Jackson (or his sister) used the phone at your house. In my eyes, you have no credibility. You're a disgrace to your profession, I hope you realize it soon, but I won't hold my breath.

BBC: "President Bush leads the White House race, but victory hangs on the state of Ohio, where the result is still unclear."

Me: The result is only unclear because you can't subtract. You're not good at "maths." At this hour, anyway, W's lead is greater than the number of ballots that will ultimately be certifited and counted (provisional, absentee, or any other kind of ballot). Or maybe because you're hopelessly optimistic, or because maybe you're deluded. I know it's going to be depressing for you, but at least you'll be able to spend the next four years going, "tsk tsk" as much you've been doing it for the last four years. I used to like you, but now I just ignore you. Sort of like Dan Rather.

It's late. I'm too caffeinated. I'm cranky and my dog has to go out and pee. I hope, oh how I hope, that when I wake up tomorrow morning, the election will be over and we can get moving.


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